I recently saw this poster with a saying by Lao Tzu and it speaks to me. Anxiety and depression, haunting of past trauma and future fears seem to be affecting us all at different times. In my most anxious moments I've been trying to remember to be gentle with myself, remembering that I'm still grieving. That has given me a little focus and allows me to better analyze what's really going on in the present moment. Maybe the given thing isn't really as stressful or deserving of the weight/ severity of anxiety I've allotted to it.
Maybe things are ok. If I can step back I can see that that's true. Each one of us left behind are moving forward in our lives and are experiencing some successes. It helps me to think that you are now our guardian angel, still a part of each of your children's lives and having a hand in some of that. But we are still grieving four years later, still working on healing and not yet fully able to let go of past pain or fear of future pain and loss. Not yet fully at peace.
Among your things there is a rolled up poster with Japanese Kanji on it. Taped to the back is a post-it note in your handwriting. Perhaps it's a translation or maybe just your own thoughts to meditate by. I like to picture you meditating on the words. Perhaps doing the same will help me learn how to live in the present.
Sitting quietly I always think of the past - remembering quiet / peaceful moments. If you do not listen to your inner thoughts you are not a whole human. Always reflect on the past successes in your life, the peaceful moments. Resolve to change what you can- let go of the rest. Accept life as you find it. Accept it fully. Work hard to change little; put forth your greatest effort in accepting those around you (your family) for they are yours.... otherwise you will find being human very difficult.
Ani ochevet otcha Abba shali...... and I always will.
-Sara
